What I focused on most of all was that top I was wearing. My mum sent it from the U.K. and I loved that top. Seeing it, took me on a journey to one of the most scariest experience I’ve encountered. A memory which thinking about it now, explains my aversion to crowds and noise and my trauma response. I won’t go into analysis here but will recollect. As a side note, I am currently reading What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey, Dr Bruce Perry. A book which seeks to reframe the question, What’s wrong with you.
The one overriding feeling I had entering 2021 was being thankful I had survived 2020. Such an incredibly painful year.
I’d read about kintsugi years ago and during this period the philosophy comes to mind when I think about the concept of ‘brokenness’ after grief. I like the idea of seeing beauty in the broken crockery, piecing the parts back together with silver and gold. Creating something more beautiful than the original.
Coming to terms with my sisters death has been different. My attention span was non existent. My mind would drift, trying to piece together every interaction we ever had. Every laugh, fight, memory good and bad.
As I clear notes from my phone I may just publish some that I think are still relevant. I wrote this last year. Held on to it as I didn’t want to be labelled as aggressive again… Then the pandemic and Mr George Floyd and the global protests. I wasn’t writing at that time. I shared a lot on my Instagram stories. Consumed a lot of content. I felt everything.
I started the post below that day with the intention of posting it that same day. At midday my world changed forever. Nearly eight months later, I have woken up at two in the morning and unable to sleep. I thought I’d attempt to complete and post this in the middle of lockdown 2.0.
I have great love for this city and try to visit at least once a year if not more before I had my child. I realised…
I’m continually impressed by London. Having lived here for many years, I constantly find new things to do. The arts pass will make it cheaper to access some spaces and help me discover London and the UK more and prompt visits I may never have considered. The membership also supports museums and galleries so definitely not a waste of money considering we are privileged to access most for free.
We took the boat to Embankment and took the tube home. I’d highly recommend this trip and do check what’s on over half term!
I’m not going to lie, planning trips can be stressful. The anxiety of where and when to go, what to do once there, whether to go inclusive or self catering can be over whelming.