I used to have goals. As I crossed them off the list I realised, a couple of years ago that I had not set new goals with the same intensity as I had in my youth. I knew I wanted to be married, have the ‘forever home’, be a mother, and travel. I used to have a clear vision of what I wanted to achieve. Beyond that I had stopped dreaming. I knew there was a vague goal of working for myself, but nothing clearly articulated about what that business would be. Nothing written down, no plans therefore merely pipe dreams.
There must be a million and one posts on goal setting, so why write this post? As we approach November in a couple of weeks, the end of the year will be upon us in a blink of the eye. Like where has 2017 gone? I have never been one for new year resolutions but I do like to evaluate what I have achieved before entering the new year and season. This post is a culmination of dreams, hopes and fears I wish to over come for 2018.
In thinking about this post, I reflect on my partner, and the desire I had for him to come along. I prayed many prayers for him over the years. Two friends reminded me that I often talked of having a child with a Chinese man. This was one of those things I used to say but didn’t believe would happen as I always assumed I would end up with an African man. Not specifically Zimbabwean but African, I didn’t care where from yet, it I was specific about the Chinese man and child.
I never spent time thinking about the how or when it would happen as I had never seen Chinese men with African women. As this was not something I had seen, I never dwelt on it as being my reality so I never questioned it, never doubted. I just said it and had a very clear vision of the relationship and the child. Fast forward a few years and we have our little bundle of joy and those same friends remind me that this was something I desired and talked about. It’s funny because when we met, I didn’t go in thinking this is the one! My approach was we have similar interests, he is interesting we could be friends… This post was not meant to be about this.
This got me thinking, if I could clearly articulate and visualise the life I want will things fall into place to make it happen?
I now think the answer to that question is yes. All through my maternity leave he kept telling me to use that time to retrain, think about what I wanted to do and consider if I wanted to go back to work and be employed by somebody else. He is self employed and loves the freedom that gives him and the ability to work when he wants and decide his own hours. Raising a little human, his flexibility has made such a difference to how we parent. This flexibility is something I desire for my future career.
In the state I fortunately find myself in, I am trying to be clear about what I want my future to be. Do I want to wake up and go to a job that no longer brings me joy? One that I dread to leave the house and be separated from my child? Do I want to work for somebody else? Do I want to start a business? What business can I start that will make me happy and not cause me sleepless nights worrying about money and paying the bills?
Is going out there and being part of the gig economy for everybody? I know I like to see my salary in my account every month but now I think is that a minority mindset or a limiting belief that if I were to start something would I be successful enough to earn enough to provide for our little family and leave my child an inheritance?
I think my fear as I become more focused on leaving an inheritance for my child – a topic I will tap into several times as this now drives me more than ever as I’m sure it does for other parents is, will I fail at business and if so isn’t collecting that pay cheque at the end of the month a safer option? Clearly this mindset must be knocked out of my head real fast as it has meant me giving up on many opportunities over the years. As I approach 40, I must shift gears and start setting concrete goals for the next phase of my life.